I’ve been holding off writing.

Trying to come up with something inspirational, motivational, or entertaining to share. 

Instead, I decided to just be honest.

This week has been hard. Like really hard.

I pride myself on being a tough cookie, but this cookie is crumbling.

Monday after a challenging day, I decided to call the SBA to follow up on a loan we applied for back in April… 

Yes, it’s now almost NOVEMBER and we still have not received the funds that were approved in June.

As you can imagine, small businesses have been clobbered from covid. 

I’ve tried to trust the government programs put in place to help us would actually come through. 

But it is increasingly clear, no one is coming to save us. 

There was a recent program in TN to help with the cost of re-opening during covid. We applied within a week of the program being announced…. By the time we got together the requisite documents, only 7 days later, the funds were exhausted…. as in all gone.

I am exhausted after racing to chase funds that seem to evaporate before our eyes. 

It’s hard to understand why my landlord, received between $1-$2Million, and a tiny business like mine gets nothing.

Monday, I again phoned the SBA. The conversation dragged on, however I was thrilled that I was actually talking with a real, live person! I had to head in to teach my 6 PM class, so finished up the call from the car. 

Overwhelmed, I felt the tears begin to flow down my cheeks. 

Yes, I truly was losing it. 

I tried to dry my eyes so I could head in to the studio and seem perky, but I don’t think I fooled anyone.  

After class, I went home to take a bath and soak my troubles away. I began the bath, then went to my office to finish up a few things…

As I walked back into the bathroom, my eyes became as big as saucers… I saw the tell tale puddle of water on the floor… I grabbed a towel, cleaned it up, and went downstairs to talk to my husband. 

I went out to the garage, and then I heard it… 

The tink … tink… tink…. the soothing sound of water, sort of like a Japanese rain forest, but this was inside my garage!

As my eyes followed the drops of water up to the ceiling, the problem became clear. 

My bath had not only slightly runneth over on to the floor… it apparently ran down into the ceiling, and was now streaming into the garage!

I grabbed my husband and he began drilling holes in the ceiling, providing an escape route for the water. 

The serenity of my hoped for bath, was turning into a construction nightmare!

Hours later, we finally headed to bed and I laid my head down in complete defeat. There was no silver lining. There was no “bright side”. 

I was exhausted.

I had hit my limit… or so I thought. 

The next day involved industrial sized fans and dehumidifiers in an attempt to dry out the garage. 

Then, just as I was heading to bed, I made the mistake of checking my email one more time.

There was a letter from the SBA. Not the reply I anticipated. Not the reply I had been promised. 

I buried my face in my hands and cried. No one was going to save me. 

While I tend to be on the scrappy side, I took to LinkedIn to find a contact and sent a message. Explained my situation, the mix up, and begged for help…. I am over trying to keep it together. I am desperate. It’s been almost 7 months!

This morning I woke up to my cell phone ringing. The LinkedIn message worked! I was actually talking to a real person at the SBA!

While I still don’t have the answer I’d like, I’ve picked myself back up.  

I know if I am this frustrated, disappointed and down, that there are also others out there feeling the same way. 

Yoga teaches us to shift our vision. To put our attention on what we want to have happen.

I think I have rounded the bend. The garage will be fixed. We will survive, and I am heading to bed early to get up for yoga in the morning.  

So my invitation to you today is to ask, “what is it I want to have happen?”  and then fix your thoughts on that. 

We’ve got this. One step at a time.